Under the Facepaint
by Amaya-san
Summary: While dealing with rejection from Nakago, Tomo seeks comfort in the younger seishi Amiboshi. COMPLETE!
1. Default Chapter

A/N: Written by both Amaya-san (Amiboshi) and her friend Ali (Tomo). Note: This story was originally an RP thread, so therefore the writing is a little choppy. The Amiboshi parts were written by Amaya-san, and Ali wrote the parts about Tomo.  
  
~ Disclaimer ~ The awesome anime known as Fushigi Yuugi is NOT mine! I own no characters involved whatsoever. So don't say I plagiarized when I didn't dangit! ~  
  
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Returning from another hard day of dealing with the other twisted, demented Seiryuu seishi, Amiboshi plopped down onto his nice soft bed, adjacent to his twin's on the other side of the room.  
  
'Seiryuu...' the young flutist sighed deeply, laying back and putting his hands behind his head, spreading out and stretching in a tiresome way. 'Why did you have to make my brother and I associate with these...? Why?' He exhaled once more before closing his eyes. 'Sometimes I wish I was back in Hong-nan with the Suzaku shichi seishi and the Suzaku no miko again...' He lost his thoughts momentarily as he was starting to drift off into a much needed peaceful sleep...  
  
Tomo forgot to knock as he pushed open the door. He looked around cautiously, and hoping he had not awaken the other sichiseishi, began to creep warily towards the boy. "Suboshi," he whispered as he walked towards the sleeping form. The truth was, he was upset to even be associating with the bitter, younger twin, but he was very lonely at the moment and needed anything to keep his mind off what he had seen Soi and Nakago doing. He was feeling very depressed.  
  
As he came closer to the bed he noticed a flute lying on the table. "Amiboshi!" he exclaimed happily, more to himself than to the twin, though hoping the noise would awaken the boy. He would not have to face Suboshi in his state after all, for the telling smudges in his makeup under his eyes would make it difficult to maintain his superficial facade when faced again with Suboshi's jeers.  
  
"Amiboshi," he added once more, "are you awake?"  
  
Amiboshi thought he'd heard something near him from where he was lying on his bed. When turning over, letting out a sleepy yawn and covering it with his hand, he saw the painted face of his brother warrior and his heart just about stopped, eyes widening slightly. He wasn't used to waking up and having a face hovering so close, even in the day.  
  
'What in the name of the gods does he want...' He stopped seeing the smudges in the paint and the fellow warrior's puffy eyes from crying. Even though he usually feared the elder seishi like the plague, his heart still softened seeing one usually emotionless so upset.  
  
He sat up, rubbing his one eye as he did, casting a quick glance over at his nightstand to assure himself that his flute was within reach should he have need of it. "Tomo...what's the matter? You look...discouraged..." He spoke timidly, still very wary of the other man none the less.  
  
Tomo saw his apprehension, and it saddened him even further. He usually enjoyed being thought of as menacing and mysterious, but coming from one of the other seishi it did not satisfy him in the least. It had not been his intention to frighten the other seishi, and now he was more nervous than ever about proceeding. He stood still, afraid to make any move, and tried to avoid the other's eyes.  
  
"It's Nakago," he forced himself to keep his face expressionless, staring at the wall and willing his voice not to crack. "He was..."  
  
He trailed off as images not just what he had seen, but all the times he had turned Tomo away, insulting him and making him feel miserable. 'What do you think, you freak?' he felt himself think, 'it's not like anyone could ever love you!' He felt his yellow eyes brim over with tears again.  
  
"Soi," was all he could gasp out between his ragged sobs. Even under his paint he could feel his face growing hot. This was so humiliating, yet he could not force it inside no matter how hard he tried.  
  
Forgetting his flute and hoping to the gods he was doing the right thing, the elder of the twins reached out a hand and timidly placed it on Tomo's trembling shoulder as they shuddered with each sob. "Gomen, I didn't mean to...to seem so paranoid. You just sort of...surprised me, is all. Want to have a seat?"  
  
He softly patted the bed as an invitation to sit, giving one of the seishi he'd usually held contempt for a sympathetic smile. "Have a seat, if you like."  
  
Tomo smiled weakly, biting his lip to hold back the choking sobs as he sat down with unease. "Thank you," he whispered, sniffling as he looked at the twin gratefully.  
  
Soon tears were rolling down his cheeks again, the paint actually running onto his thin hands as he hid his wretched, swollen face. His shoulders slumped forward. "Thank you for being nice to me," he barely whispered, as much to himself as to the other boy.  
  
Amiboshi sat there in a half stupor. He'd always feared and loathed Tomo and the shivers had gone up his spine with each encounter.  
  
But now, he was seeing a different Tomo; the real one underneath the costume and make-up. Maybe he wasn't so bad...? Timidly, he reached out with the arm closest to Tomo and rested it on his shoulder. "It's alright..." Amiboshi comforted. "Tomo, is there something you needed to talk to me about? Is that why you came?" He spoke, trying to sound consoling.  
  
Tomo gasped at what Amiboshi was doing to him. This was the first time in so long that someone had even tried to talk to him, let alone touch him. He smiled appreciatively through his tear-strewn eyes and leaned into the other boy warily. "Yes," he stuttered between sniffles, "I needed someone to," he trailed off as more tears flowed down his cheeks, now swirling with the colors of his makeup.  
  
He shivered, trying to think through his next statement before he lost control of what he was saying. He was unsure of how Amiboshi would react, even though he already knew he was gay, the idea of being alone with him while he talked about it might be too much for the other to bear. "I, I love Nakago," he choked out. "And he hates me, everyone hates me!" He shuttered, mumbling incomprehensively words under his hysterical crying and looking down at the floor in embarrassment.  
  
Amiboshi felt a lump come to his throat. He wasn't quite sure how to respond; he'd never been in this situation before; he never ever imagined this would happen. He just didn't want to say 'Oh Tomo, I don't hate you!' When in reality he'd always held contempt and resentment towards the older seishi. Lying would only make things worse. But...now he was starting to doubt that Tomo was really all that bad.  
  
So, instead of lying, he did the next best thing; identifying with his sadness. "Hai, it is hard to fit in when you're all alone isn't it? You're off by yourself and no one wants you, or even cares whether you live or die. I know how it feels...After our village was attacked, I could only hope for the best for my brother and I, trying to be strong for him and forge ahead. I couldn't even cry for my parents when I wanted to, but when Shunkaku cried, I was there to comfort him. And then I would go off on my own to mourn."  
  
He turned to Tomo and looked into his watery eyes, feeling his own gushing with droplets ready to fall. "But...you had no one. It must've been hard...and painful. I know; I've been there! But, well..." He was really fighting a battle within himself just before he inhaled slowly to calm his emotions; he forced out the words, only resounding in a choked whisper. "I- Tomo, I don't hate you."  
  
He'd said it. He was forgetting the past, forgetting all that had occurred and was moving on. Part of him actually wanted to get to know Tomo more closely and become his friend. Amiboshi himself couldn't believe it.  
  
Still looking intently into the golden eyes, he awaited what the other seishi's response would be.  
  
Tomo smiled slightly, meeting the other's blue eyes with his own golden ones. "Really?" he whispered, unsure of the truth in the other boy's words but wanting so badly to believe everything he said. "Thank you." His sobs quieted down momentarily as he tried to gain composure, turning into a few tears running down his face instead.  
  
Then, seeing the tears in the other boy's eyes and feeling sympathy in his own heart, very slowly and cautiously he mover closer to him, wrapping his arm around the smaller form and holding him against his body in a hug. "Now you can cry, you don't have to be strong anymore," he whispered between his own sobs, realizing for the first time the pain the twins must have faced. He had always assumed that whatever happened to them must have been better than everything he faced, because that had each other, but now he was really starting to understand how their life had been.  
  
He sat there, holding him while he cried and listening to the sounds of his heart beat and uneven breathing. Then Tomo took a deep breath and continued, "All my life I have been rejected and mocked, everything I did was never good enough for anyone, and the more I wanted to disappear and hide the worse my situation got."  
  
Tears started to flow freshly down his face, and the lump in his throat grew as he forced down sobs. "And when I was hurting all I could think of was where my parents were, and wonder why they had done this to me. Why couldn't they have just let me be normal?" That was all he could take before he broke down once more, shaking with tears.  
  
Amiboshi had fought to hold back tears; he was the one used to doing the consoling, used to holding the other as they let out their bottled-up emotions. But now...such an invitation from someone he hardly knew...he lost it. He bent his head and let the warm liquid cascade down his face as he rested his head on the other's shoulder.  
  
Then he looked up at the mention of parents, tears still flowing down his cheeks as he spoke. "Well, at least yours are still alive, hopefully. Mine are both dead..." His voice choked. "It's easier to live on knowing that they're still alive, but for me-Shunkaku and I...I'm sorry. Here you are feeling discouraged and in need of comfort and I'm the one spilling my guts to you!" He ran a hand across his face. "Forgive me..."  
  
It's all right," Tomo whispered softly, running his fingers through the other's hair warmly. "It must have been horrible, seeing them die." He reached his other hand to wipe away some of his own tears, which were still sparkling with the colors of his face paint.  
  
"But you still were strong. You don't know what you've done for your brother, how happy you make him. Everyone can see it. You are much stronger than I ever was, you helped people to deal with your pain rather than hurt them." He felt a pang of guilt. Amiboshi was treating him with a respect he could not remember ever being given, and yet he had hurt him before. "I'm sorry for being such a horrible person," he bit his lip as fresh sobs wracked his body.  
  
Amiboshi looked up from crying, blinking back tears to clear is slightly blurred vision. "It's okay...really. I'm just glad that we're getting along now." He offered Tomo another smile.  
  
"Thank you," he whispered distantly, wrapping his arms more tightly around the smaller boy. "I'm so glad I could talk to you, I mean, I've never really had anyone to comfort me like this." he wiped his eyes a bit, gazing almost warmly at Amiboshi.  
  
He took a deep breath, "I just wish sometimes that life could be different. Do you?" fresh tears started rolling down his cheeks. "I see people that seem so happy and I wonder what they did that I didn't. Everything just seems to go wrong! Everything I do is worth nothing!"  
  
He sniffled, "I'm sorry, I know I should just try to be happy, but I can't! I am probably annoying you," he half questioned reluctantly.  
  
Amiboshi gently shook his head, smiling through his tears. "No, it's alright; I wish things turned out different too. This may sound crazy, but I still find that I miss them, my father and mother..." His voice trailed off.  
  
Shaking his head sternly, he came back to reality. "No, you are not annoying me, Tomo. I'm glad we were able to talk like this for once." He offered another smile, a whole-hearted one.  
  
Tomo smiled gratefully. "Thanks," he whispered softly, leaning more against the smaller boy. He held him there for a while before continuing to speak, letting himself gain composure hopefully for the last time.  
  
Running a hand across the other's back he continued. "Oh course you miss them Amiboshi. They're your family, they are practically part of you. The pain of not having them to turn to will never fully go away. I even miss my parents, despite all they put me through, I still wonder what life would have been like if things had turned out differently. At least you have your brother," he stopped, tears slowly slipping down his face once more.  
  
He rested his head against Amiboshi's slender shoulder, unable to keep it up from the throbbing headache he had gotten. "I never had anyone until now. Nakago, Suboshi and Soi wish I were dead except for the fact that they need me, and the people in the opera were much worse. Sometimes I think it would be better if I were dead." He spoke calmly, taking deep breaths to keep some hint of composure though his voice kept cracking under the painful words.  
  
Amiboshi's head jerked up, directing his pale blue eyes into golden ones. "Don't say that! Don't ever say that! You're truly a caring person...they just don't know that."  
  
He paused, wiping away some of his tears. "I'm glad we could talk like this, Tomo. It's nice to know someone who's been through similar pain as I have..."  
  
Tomo nodded solemnly, still holding tightly onto the other, as if he just expected him to change his mind and leave at any minute. "I'm so glad you, that you don't judge me," he stuttered weakly. He wiped away some of the fresh tears, but did not succeed in stopping them from cascading down his cheek.  
  
"Most people," he continued softly, "won't even get near me, let alone try to know me. Why? Why won't they give me a chance?" he asked more to himself than the other seishi. "Is it because I'm gay, or something else? Is there anything I can do to change it?" he gazed deeply into the other's eyes. "Sometimes I just feel so hopeless. I know I will be alone my whole life."  
  
He bit back sobs, choking painfully on the rising tears. He traced circles on the other boy's back as he watched him gently, watching his eyes and trying desperately to read his true emotions. 'Maybe, maybe this boy could love me,' he thought silently, before forcing the thought aside angrily. He would not jeopardize this new friendship like that.  
  
Amiboshi smiled gently, not knowing the other's thoughts. "You should let your real self shine through more often, Tomo. You're a truly a kind person, you know that? Maybe if you would do that, more people would notice you."  
  
After he'd said that, he realized that he'd just added to the situation with he and Nakago, but didn't care. As long as he no longer had reason to fear his brother warrior, any friendly advice he could deal out to his newfound friend he would. And, he was starting to become...not fond, but wanted their new companionship to grow.  
  
He pulled Tomo close, patting his back. "You're not done yet, are you?" he questioned somberly. He lightly pushed the other's head down onto his shoulder. "Go ahead and cry, if that's what you need. Keeping it all in will only make it worse. So go ahead, I'm right here."  
  
Tomo leaned into the other boy, sobbing willingly against the smaller seishi's shoulder. He dug his nails lightly into the other's back, not hard enough to be painful, and then rubbed circles into the skin. "Thanks," he whispered again, quietly.  
  
His long silver locks of hair covered his face, clinging to the tear-soaked skin, and he tried desperately to push them away, but with no success. He finally resigned and focused once more on his tears, like the pain itself draining from his body. The aches of rejection and unrequited love were still there, but the presence of the other let them subside a little, sulking back into the depths of his cold heart where they belonged. For once in many years he actually thought he felt something else, happiness.  
  
"I'm so glad you're here," he looked up at the other Seiryuu warrior sweetly, reaching a gentle hand to cup his silky but wet cheek. With his own vision blurred through a mess of tears he cleared away some of the tears hiding in Amiboshi's thick lashes. He smiled at his new friend, trying to read every emotion hidden in the twin's stare.  
  
Amiboshi smiled, feeling somewhat awkward with the other man's hand against his cheek, but didn't let it bother him too much.  
  
"Of course, any time you need..." Amiboshi yawned sleepily, cupping a hand to his mouth and rubbing his eyes afterward. "Oh, forgive me." His eyes blinked a few times to clear his vision. He looked up at his brother warrior to reassure him. "You're not boring me at all, Tomo, I'm just a little..." He yawned again, sighing, saying the name of the god of war barely above a whisper.  
  
"Is there anything else you might need, Tomo?" he asked while he still had all his brains together.  
  
Tomo blushed a bit, "no, um, I'll let you go to sleep." He realized he had worn out his welcome for now, and, although the thought of returning alone to his room was menacing and unbearable, he realized he could not stay here all night.  
  
He looked once more into the other's endless blue eyes. "Thank you again. If I hadn't had you I don't know what I would have done tonight." He smiled weakly, remembering the thoughts of suicide that had ran through his head before he had come to the twins' room. He shivered a bit before getting ready to rise.  
  
Impulsively he leaned forward and let his lips touch the other boys', barely grazing the soft skin with his own before rising to his feet. "Goodnight," he whispered quickly, blushing deeply as he moved towards the door, not daring to meet the other's stare. 'You fag! You freak! You baka!' he mentally scolded himself, realizing that he had most likely lost the only friend he had almost had.  
  
Amiboshi sat straight up in his bed a few moments with a blank stare in his pale blue orbs as Tomo had left. What...what had just...did he...?  
  
He swiped his hand across his mouth instantly, his eyelids and brow scrunching together disgustedly.  
  
'Why did he do that?!' Once he had seen Tomo the first time that night, that was the LAST thing he'd expected him to do. "Why did he...?!"  
  
Kotouku threw himself back onto his mattress, staring at the ceiling. Why had that just happened to him? He was glad it was not his brother, knowing Suboshi would have done something more drastic.  
  
But, the fact still remained. And no matter what he tried, he couldn't fall back to sleep after what had just happened. Sighing despairingly, he slipped out of bed and walked out of his bedroom in his bare feet, grabbing his shirt as he exited and strode down the hallway.  
  
Tomo watched the seishi pass from the door of his bedroom, feeling tears trickling down his pale cheeks. "Oh Seiryuu!" he whispered aloud, burying his face in his sleeves. "I just...why?" he demanded a bit more loudly.  
  
He nearly screamed in frustration, sinking down to the floor in a collapsed, pained heap. He just wanted to melt into the cold stone and disappear forever, it was not as if anyone would miss him anyways. 'Oh gods, now he hates me! I am such a freak! Why can't I control my own actions. I almost had a friend tonight and I lost him, and ruined his life! Why was I ever even born, Seiryuu?'  
  
He choked on new sobs as pure sadness welled up once more in his chest. He needed to apologize, he knew he needed to set things right, but the thought of facing the boy again filled him with dread. 'Why don't I just die!' his face was burning in embarrassment and anger as his tears made small puddles on the marble entryway, flowing together with the blood that fell down from his clenched fists.  
  
(To be continued) 


	2. Not just an Illusion

My apologies for the long wait. I hope you all like the next chapter of 'Under the Face Paint', and again, may I remind you that this is an old RPG thread that my friend and I didn't want wasted. So anyway, read and enjoy!   
  
Tomo could not take it anymore; for once his embittered conscience was winning. His mind was telling him to say something, do anything to end the other boy's misery and humiliation, but it was such a struggle for Tomo to act in another's interest. The thought of facing Amiboshi again, turned his stomach painfully. 'What will I say to him, Seiryuu? How can I make right what I have done!?' he demanded internally, tortured by the conflict in his heart and mind.  
  
Despite every nerve of his mind begging him to stay to himself, disappear into the shadows, perhaps forever, and leave the other alone, he rose to his feet. Still remaining unnoticed, he clung to the doorframe, his shaky bloodstained hands digging into the cold stone, to steady his weak body. Then, knowing his face was an embarrassing mess and worrying that anything he would say would only make things worse, he stepped into the light and walked towards the boy.  
  
Stopping and biting his lip with shear terror of facing the one that surely hated him right then, he stood before him and dropped his golden stare to the ground.  
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered, not wanting to see his response to his presence. "I wasn't thinking, I know you didn't want me to, how could you want me..." he trailed off as sobs more painful and desperate than any he had felt earlier shook his form. "Don't hate me," he finished slowly, hurrying away, mortified that he had even been so near to the boy.  
  
He fled, still avoiding his inquiring stare. All he wanted was to disappear and never return. 'It's not like anyone will actually care!' his mind nagged  
  
Amiboshi tried to speak, to stop Tomo from hurrying away. His mouth opened several times, but no sound came. They just refused to come, especially after his eyes had been attracted to something that trailed down the hallway after the distraught seishi.  
  
Blood. There were droplets of bright red blood leading away down the dark corridor. 'What did he do to...?' His mind raced. Had Tomo tried to...?  
  
Tomo's rapid footsteps echoed down the corridor, the outside silence magnifying the sound so it resounded in his already throbbing ears like hollow drumming. He felt so desperately alone, and, although this was not unusual, it too seemed magnified by the circumstances of the night. The true emptiness and hopelessness of unrequited loved and the chill of human nature seemed to swell in his heart with every step he took.  
  
Finally he reached the door of his room, the only place he both wanted and dreaded going. He only wished to hide from all the trouble he had caused, the mistakes, the tragedy that had become a part of every day he lived, but he could not trust himself alone in this state. He feared making more mistakes he would never be able to take back, but living with those he had already made showed only a dismal, loveless future.  
  
"I just hope everything is all right," he whispered aloud. "I can't believe I could be so stupid! I hurt the only person to ever be nice to me! Is that the thanks I'm supposed to give? I am a freak! No wonder everyone wishes I were dead! Sometimes I wish I were dead too! Amiboshi, I didn't mean it! Well, I did, but I don't expect you to return the feelings. Your friendship is enough, if I could take back those seconds I would! I would do anything to get you back, or even to make you happy!"  
  
The room was dark except for an open window. Gazing out of it, the glittering stars danced together, reflecting in the tears lining his yellow eyes. The moonlight reflected off a dagger sitting on his bedside table, and he watched it with fascination, desperately restraining himself from reaching towards it, from finishing all his problems.  
  
Amiboshi strode quickly down the hall to Tomo's room; he and his brother had passed it many times before. Actually, more like rushing passed in case the occupant was there...  
  
But that was in the past now; Tomo was his friend. At that moment, he was confused about his friend's action; Tomo had told the truth. That was uncharacteristic of Tomo, or, at least, the old Tomo, anyway.  
  
He continued down the corridor to the well-passed-by door of his friend.  
  
Tomo jerked his glance away from the gleaming object forcefully, struggling internally with the choices he had. He was miserable, and in far too deep to return, but yet just the thought of the way Amiboshi had spoken to him made him want to continue living, just to feel cared for once again. 'But that was before I,' he cut off his own thought, wincing through the steady stream of tears with humiliation. His mind was spinning about what the other boy might be thinking of him now, all hopes disintegrating under the harsh memories of unreturned love and rejection.  
  
Every event in his past reflected only sorrow, loneliness, and isolation. Nothing he ever did could make it vanish, even glimmers of hope exploded in the fiery violence of hatred. He was not normal, no one would really care if he were gone, his own stupidity and incapability to just be normal destroyed any glimpse of hope, and nothing he could do would ever save him from this. Amiboshi did not care about him, Amiboshi hated him, despised him, cringed at the thought of his existence, just like Nakago and everyone else.  
  
These thoughts shattered his heart and well-being, but he could not die. Maybe he was a hopeless dreamer, a coward, and a fool for not just leaving forever, but he could not stop wishing for a better life. He just wanted everything to be all right, for Amiboshi and himself.  
  
He looked up from his pained daze, focusing through a layer of salty tears. 'Some one's outside the door,' he told himself, straining in the empty silence to hear any sound of rustling. 'What's going on?' he asked.  
  
Praying to Seiryuu that it was not just his hopeful imagination he called out. "Hello?" he cried weakly. "Come in."  
  
Amiboshi gently pushed against the door and peeked into the room. "Tomo?" he whispered, taking a step or two inside and then strode quickly in when he noticed the wound on his hand was still bleeding. He began taking off his headband and wrapping the hurt.  
  
"Tomo, I'm sorry that you're so sad. There..." He completed the knot that held the makeshift bandages together around his friend's hand. Amiboshi stared at Tomo, a sympathetic smile coming to his face. "Gods, Tomo...you seem so lonely and discouraged. Is there anything I can do?" he asked, hopefully thinking that there would have to be some way to cheer him up.  
  
Tomo looked away, his face flaming red with the embarrassment of the moment; Amiboshi's touch and sympathetic smile making his eyes well up more with tears of both humiliation and happiness. He wanted to believe the gentle tone, cry some more on his new friend and praise Seiryuu that this boy had found it in his heart to even come near him again, let alone care for him. But somehow he just could not will his body to move. He knew he would frighten the boy, and he could not bear to face more rejection, or to lose the last chance he was given.  
  
"I'm sorry," was all he could choke out, burying his reddened face in his injured hands, his claw-like nails sliding in between locks of messy silver. "I was just so lonely! I wasn't thinking, I lost control, and I..." he paused, a particularly loud sob rising from his throat. "You must find me disgusting, I don't know why you even waste your time on me."  
  
He dissolved into tears, sobs shaking his tiny body as he leaned his head against the wall, not daring to meet the boy's gaze, anxious about what emotions he would see in his honest blue eyes. 'He must think I am an useless fag!' he told himself as he whimpered softly.  
  
His heart wrenched. He hated seeing anyone cry, especially Shunkaku.  
  
Timidly scooting closer and reaching forward, he comforted Tomo, hugging him and patting his back in a friendly gesture. "Tomo, I'm not wasting my time. I like to take care of my friends when they're troubled. And I don't find you disgusting; what occurred surprised me at first, but I don't hate you or anything. I know you didn't do it out of spite, so there's no longer a problem."  
  
Tomo's muscles tensed at their first physical contact since the kiss, nervously questioning his own suitable response and what consequences would ensue if Amiboshi suddenly changed his mind about the contact and blamed the other. But his aching, grieved body gave in, his heart forcing him into the welcoming arms, his limbs losing some of the paralysis of fear and logical apprehension in his terrible weakness. He was breaking apart alone, and only that warm, friendly embrace could secure his shattered soul and conscience.  
  
The younger boy's words echoed in his head, 'I'm not wasting my time, I don't find you disgusting,' he felt a smile break his waxy, tear-streaked face. Looking towards the boy's pure, kind expression a lump rose in his throat, not from sadness, isolation, or fear, but from happiness and relief. 'Oh Seiryuu, don't let this be another twisted illusion I've created to soothe my wounds, please just let this be really happening! It just seems too good to be true, like a dream, though I never dreamed for anything this bold and unbelievable. I never dared to dream of acceptance like this.'  
  
Wiping away his tears he came even closer to the other Seiryuu. "Thank you for everything, you, you saved my life," he stuttered weakly. "I owe all I am to you for caring about me. I want to do anything for you. I don't think you can even comprehend how much your actions tonight mean to me. Nobody has ever worried about me before."  
  
He held the twin close, still a bit wary of his affection but unable to contain the love for his fellow seishi, a brotherly companionship, respect, and commitment foreign to his usual selfish desires. "And all I did to you was cause you trouble. I don't deserve you, but I now I don't think I can live without you. I'll do anything to make up what I did, anything as long as you'll be my friend forever," he whispered somewhat childishly, choking on tears as he gazed at the other's soft face devotedly, his years of isolated life finally breaking in a flood of love and caring.  
  
Amiboshi's smile widened. "I don't need you to do anything to be my friend, Tomo. Just be who you are and that will be enough."  
  
He stood up stretching his tight shoulders. "I'm glad we're friends. And thank you so much for earlier." He yawned. It was, after all, early in the morning and he wasn't much of a night owl. "Do you need anything? Anything more you wish to talk about? If so, I'm here..."  
  
"No," he replied shakily, his heart leaping at Amiboshi's never ending kindness. As a child redemption had always come with a price, sometimes in the opera a price too disgusting and terrible to be remembered. But this seishi, like a brother and close friend, was forgiving him and wanting nothing in return but returned friendship, and even without that seemed willing to respect his feelings. However, he resolved to not only give that to the boy, but more, if not in actions then in cherished emotion. He would do anything to protect this boy, to stand up for him and offer him consolation when he was hurting. "You have done more for me than all the other acts of caring I've experienced combined," he reassured graciously.  
  
There was one more thing he wished, but to ask it would certainly be an encroachment on the bond he and his friend now shared. The thought of spending the night alone was haunting, and to have the other stay by his side would do much to heal the last of his arisen suffering. He wanted the younger seishi to stay the night with him, not as lovers but friends, so he could feel the presence of another when the chill of nighttime loneliness and regrets washed over him with the waning of the moon he would remember that there was someone that cared for him. Saying this, however, would only come out wrong and severe him from the boy's generous affection. He was gay, he had to face that, and no matter how hard he tried this would always put stricter boundaries between he and his comrades that those they set between each other.  
  
He smiled sadly, rising to his feet and beckoning the twin to stand with him. "You can go back to your room, I'm sorry I kept you awake all night." He blushed, opening the door, his heart still sinking at the thought of being alone again. He reached out and embraced the other, drinking in the last bit of warmth he was to receive that night, knowing that this cold isolation, too, was part of his life, and it would always be so. But the friendship of this boy, akin with their struggles and pains, would give him the light moments to continue living for even in the darkness.  
  
Tightening the embrace he smiled warmly. "Thank you for everything."  
  
Amiboshi returned the gesture warmly. "You're welcome, and thank you again; fifty times. I'll see you later tomorrow; sleep well, Tomo." He gave one last smile to his new friend before turning and slowly walking back down the long gloomy hallway that would lead to his room.  
  
He finally made it back, opening his chamber door and shutting it softly behind him as he walked through the doorway. He lazily peeled off his shirt and hung it on the bedpost of his bed for the time being; he was so tired he didn't really care at that point.  
  
Slipping into the covers of his bed, Amiboshi couldn't help up smile slightly. "Good night, Tomo. I'll see you in the..." He yawned. "...morning..."  
  
As his head rested against the soft pillow, he lost all track of what his last few words were going to be, immediately falling back to sleep easily, a small smile on his face.  
  
Tomo curled up under the covers of his bed, longing to fade into every fold and crease and awake in one of his illusions surrounded by the warmth and kindness he had experienced only seconds before, reclaiming every second throughout the rest of his lifetime. Sighing he smiled contently, "Good night Ami-chan." He liked the sound of that! Whispering it a few times he could not help but giggle joyfully. "Sweet dreams."  
  
He closed his eyes and vanished into his own thoughts and desires, wishing for the first time in his life that soon he would awaken once more. 


End file.
